"The traditional wedding is coming back with a vengeance. There is a sense that life is too fast. People want to go back to the romantic wedding," says Lawrence Harvey, formerly executive director of catering at The Plaza Hotel, and author of the informative "A Plaza Wedding" (Villard Books).

Choosing Your Venue: Location, Date & Time
In your planning, he encourages you to first decide where you want to hold your wedding. Do you want it in a park or in a tent? At home, in a hotel, or in an unusual location? Or perhaps in a house of worship?

"Once you’ve picked your location, it’s important to be flexible in selecting your date. Many brides say, ‘I must have a Saturday night in October,’ but most of those dates are already taken."

For your out-of-town guests especially, you might want to choose a date that ties in with a major holiday. "Then you can make a wonderful long weekend. Check with both sides of the family and choose dates that work for everyone."

Budget-Conscious Planning
"If you are on a limited budget, you should be flexible about doing a lunch or a brunch instead of a dinner. In New York hotels, it’s also a lot cheaper to have events on a Sunday. You can save as much as 20-50 percent."

"If you want a dinner-dance in October and you don’t have the budget, consider making it in July or August, or maybe even the first part of September." You could save as much a third on the dinner cost per person.

"With an evening event, you’re also dealing with singers, sound-systems, and lighting. If instead you do a simple luncheon or a brunch, you can save a tremendous amount."

Tastings & Contracts
He also recommends that you do a tasting for your wedding, "so you can experience all the colors, textures and flavors of your wedding dishes."

"Also, be very cautious. Don’t leave anything open-ended. If it is going to be $250 per person, it should say $250 including food, beverage, gratuity, tax, and labor. Send in your deposit so you are secured for that date."

Priorities and Security
"Organization and pre-planning are key. That’s why I wrote the book. I wanted to document all the beautiful weddings here and to break the anxiety of planning. Brides often don’t know what to do first. Priorities are not always established.

Once you’ve decided on a traditional or a contemporary wedding, you can start shopping for your wedding dress. "But sometimes the bride buys her wedding dress before she even has a place and date for the wedding!" Depending on the venue, you may envision a completely different wedding and picture yourself in a different dress.

Harvey also encourages you to make sure someone on-premise for your event can handle any emergency security or health-related situations. "Emotions are high. Things happen— medical emergencies, unwanted guests, and other problems you’d never think about."

Thankfully, the security guards at most tri-state area hotels and reception sites are trained in CPR and are also in radio contact with the Police Department.

Music and Mood
"The most important element to consider for your guests is the music," he says. "For a party in your home you’ll invite just the right mix of people. But at a wedding you have college and high school friends, the new in-laws, and family members from their teens to their 80’s. Music is the one thread that ties the experience together." If you have wonderful music everyone has a good time.

"Food is primary. The decor must be beautiful. But it all takes a back seat to the music. Talk to the orchestra leader and listen to tapes. See them perform. Talk about how you want the evening to flow."

Harvey recommends background music during the serving of main courses. "You play dance music for a few numbers and for the first dance, but during the entrée, it’s wonderful to have soft romantic music so people can enjoy each other’s company."

Flowers, Lighting, Photos
"It’s very important to see different florists. Get their proposals. Find out if they provide chairs and tablecloths. Discuss every aspect of what they’re doing, including their prepayment and cancellation clauses, and then narrow your list down to two or three.

"Have them do a table setup: linens, napkins, floral designs, and lighting. Many top florists will do that for you at no charge."

Lighting can be critical. "Remember, you don’t have to spend a fortune on flowers if you do fantastic lighting in the room."

Photograph the flowers, the lighting, and the food tasting. Then everything can be duplicated exactly as you want it.

"Photographers specialize in different types of photography. Videography was once cumbersome because of the lights, but now they often work with available light."

It’s Your Party
"Your wedding is very personal. It’s no one else’s day but yours, and you and your groom should be the stars of the show. It can be very traditional, but it doesn’t have to be. For example, you can write your own vows."

To Harvey, the ceremony is the most crucial part of the wedding. "That’s why you’re here. That should be respected with high reverence.

"The religious vows are very personal to the families, to the bride and groom, and to the rabbi or minister. I usually do not make any suggestions regarding that.

"If you want to break tradition and not have a dais table, don’t. If you want to sit with your friends, you should. Be flexible and talk about it."

Your Own Video
"One thing I like to see the couple do is to create a video to show at the wedding."

One Plaza bride recently met with Harvey for breakfast in the Palm Court. She brought in pictures from when she was in summer camp, in high school, and at family events, plus similar pictures from the groom.

"We wove a little story into the video, about how they met and what they planned for their future life together."

They showed the video before the bride and groom came in, and then tied the music from the video into the first dance. "People loved it. There was not a dry eye in the entire room. It was so emotional. It built up to a crescendo, and the music was done the same way."

Ice-breakers like that are a good chance for both sides to get to know each other. "It starts the reception off with a wonderful mood."

A Glittering Park Theme
Sometimes the wedding itself is so unique that it creates its own ice-breaker. At Melissa Rivers’ wedding, for example, Joan Rivers hired the Gay Men’s Health Choir. "The guests entered from the Palm Court and went up the steps to the Terrace Room. The room was done more spectacularly than I’ve ever seen."

It was like walking into Central Park in the middle of winter after the snow has just finished falling. "Everything was white. She had 20 twenty-five-foot white birch trees, white carpeting and white chairs."

The lighting designer, Bentley Meeker, created a look of dark blue clouds floating above the ballroom with stars popping out. "It was absolutely incredible."

Joan was the first one to enter the room.

"She went in by herself, and the choir, eager to comment on her way over-the-top decorations, sang ‘Hey Big Spender.’ The guests loved it.

"She also had children in the wedding ceremony. There is nothing better than little flower girls and the little boy carrying the rings."

Special Welcome
When your guests enter the reception hall, floral centerpieces provide a festive visual greeting, but your guests also will appreciate anything on the table that helps them become more involved with the celebration.

Printed material, favors, and even disposable cameras help put everyone at ease and are natural conversation starters. While reading a menu or program that contains information about the couple and their event, guests have something to share with each other, and to look forward to during the reception.

"I like pamphlets describing the ceremony, with their vows written in little booklets," says Harvey. "Traditional menus on the table also are very nice."

The Menu
"For the menu, the food should be very fresh and in season." In the summer, we likes to serve succulent Maine lobster with tomato and watercress sauce. For the winter, beef is back, and rack of lamb is well-liked.

Photos: Lou Manna

"Keep it fresh and simple. You can do a nice field green salad with a triple cheese afterwards. There is no need to make it overly elaborate."

Lawrence recommends a regular dessert, because in many evening weddings, the wedding cake and champagne are not served until midnight. "Some weddings go until two or three in the morning."

At midnight, he likes to set up a dessert buffet in the foyer just outside the ballroom, including espresso and international coffees. "People can go outside and chat and have these wonderful desserts and coffees. It’s a nice finishing touch."

"Sunday Brunch"
He also encourages people to do a brunch the following day for the wedding party, inviting close family members and out-of-town guests.

"We can box up a bagel and cream cheese along with the morning paper for those guests who are leaving earlier. But those who can stay for brunch can join you in rehashing the entire wedding the next day, when everyone is relaxed.

"This way, you don’t just finish the wedding with a vast emptiness. The brunch becomes a continuation that you look forward to the next day."

Minimize Wedding-Day Jitters
For Saturday night weddings, check in to your hotel on Friday before the rehearsal. "This way, your personal things surround you in the room you’ll be dressing in, and you’ll be less nervous on your wedding day. The gown can be delivered. The hairdresser and makeup artist know where to go.

"When you’re getting ready in the afternoon, no one should have anything to drink until after the ceremony. If you are getting married in the afternoon, they can have tons of soft drinks and sandwiches. No heavy food."

He is speaking from experience. "I’ve seen the momentum and anxiety build up. Some of those who have even a little to drink or a big meal become nervous and pass out.

"You also have to watch the men getting into the mini-bars in the rooms. They come down half loaded while they are seating people. It’s good to have light foods so they can relax themselves."

Greet Everyone
When it comes to greeting guests, he discourages receiving lines. As a more personal alternative, he suggests greeting guests at your leisure throughout the evening.

"I think that’s also the role of the parents to host the event. If they are paying the bill, it’s their party, and they should make their guests feel wonderful, comfortable, and relaxed. They should still do that even if the couple paid for the wedding.

"You have to make everyone feel like it’s a small intimate dinner in your home."

Choreograph Your Wedding
All activities should be very programmed, so all your vendors know what is going to happen.

When are you going to do the first dance? Who is giving the toast? When? How many other toasts are going to follow?

"If these are not planned, you have someone who has had way too many drinks getting up to the microphone and rambling on for 10 or 15 minutes."

For the sake of clarity, make sure your venue holds production meetings ahead of time. "About two weeks before the wedding we bring in everyone: the orchestra leader, the wedding consultant, the lighting engineer, and the DJ."

They work out the schedule, from the time the florist will set up to what music is being played at each point. They also confirm that all vendors have their proper certificates and insurance.

"Everything is set, and everyone knows their role. We must be very specific about what times people are supposed to be in certain locations. Nothing can be ambiguous."

"For your music, for example, later on, you have the older people who want to leave and the younger ones who want to dance until two or three in the morning. We like to start the disco music at the stroke of midnight. It changes the whole mood of the party.

"That’s why I like to do the dessert buffet outside then. You have to start reducing the liquor content at that point and start getting more sweets and coffee into the guests. It helps create a good memory."