Finally, photos are normally taken only in the church, and usually not at the reception. (But the photographers do come back for the cutting of the cake.)

"In the U.S., everything has to be like Hollywood," observes Luca Leoni, who heads the town’s hotel association and is also owner of Bellagio’s Hotel du Lac. His comments are seconded by manager Guiseppe Spinelli and chef Hector Bocchia of the Grand Hotel Villa Serbelloni. "To us, when you emphasize something so much, it becomes unreal," says Guiseppe.

We are told, somewhat incredulously, of an American who proposed to his girlfriend in the hotel with champagne and roses. Before we can even comment, we are assured that, to the Italian man and woman, proposing is not a big production.

La Familia
Given the poetry we see everywhere, we know this is not indicative of a less romantic culture. However, the Italian courtship ritual does put a greater stress on family: the bride’s, the groom’s, and the couple's new one to come.

Maybe the reality of entering your new life, with its greater emotional and financial responsibilities, its strong link to the two families now joined together, and its focus on children, family, and faith in this very Catholic country, is simply regarded as too serious a step to be further adorned in any way.

Perhaps that is why in Italy, the wedding day itself is so much more centered on the church ceremony as well. And when it comes to the "romance" of running away to get married and skipping the family-oriented church ceremony, the locals are clear. "People do not elope here," they say with emphasis.

Child-Centered
We ask about the husband’s apparently large role in the family, having been surprised to see many more fathers than mothers caring for their children in public. Luca, who even as we speak is watching his three young boys, each periodically running up to sit in his lap and ask questions, finds it perfectly natural.

He met his wife when she was a guest in the hotel years ago. "She liked the small town aspects of Bellagio, where it’s easy to meet people and easy to live. She came back year after year, and we started to see each other. After two years, I asked her to marry me."

The Matchmaker
For a long time marriages in Italy were arranged. The man typically would ask the woman’s father for permission to marry. “Sometimes matchmakers would send a ‘masiata’ to a young woman’s family," says Lori Granieri, author of Abbondanza! Planning An Italian Wedding (Kensington Publishing). "This message noted the man’s intent to marry, and once both families agreed, the groom was free to plan his official proposal.”

Most proposals were simple, a tradition which continues to this day, but they were still romantic. The groom might serenade his chosen bride or read a love poem. Sometimes the groom proposed at an engagement party in front of family and friends. During the proposal, he would offer his bride a token of his love, usually in the form of a diamond ring. The diamond ring was also considered a form of payment and a promise to the bride’s family. The thought was that if the groom spent money on an expensive diamond, he must be serious about the upcoming wedding.

“In Italy today, courting is very much like it is in the United States,” says Lori. “Perhaps there is more family involvement, but in the bigger cities, couples meet and date like we do. Once a couple becomes engaged, they leave themselves about a year or two to plan because most Italian weddings are very extravagant.”

A Little Lace
“Italy is known as a birthplace of lacemaking,” said famed fashion designer, the late Oleg Cassini. “Lace is a very traditional and beautiful fabric for an Italian-themed wedding. Venetian lace is not only gorgeous, but also world famous.

The Ceremony
“The ancient Romans used precious stones as well as silver and gold in their rings,” Lori says. “They were placed on a cushion and carried up the aisle by the ring bearer or maid of honor. Then, they were given to the best man, who would place the rings on the altar to be blessed.”

In a religious ceremony, it is customary for the couple to honor the Virgin Mary with a ‘Presentation of Flowers’. During this prayer, ‘Ave Maria’ is played and sung in the background. This hymn solutes the Blessed Virgin and Jesus, while asking for a blessing.

Catholic wedding masses may also include the Eucharistic Benediction. It consists of blessing the rings and offering of the Blessed Sacrament, or Holy Communion. The priest makes the sign of the cross with the sacrament and recites the Divine Praises. It is often accompanied by hymns.

The most intimate part of the ceremony, the kiss exchanged between the bride and groom, is the ultimate symbol of commitment and love. “In ancient Rome,” says Lori, “the kiss represented a legal bond that sealed the marriage contract.”

An Italian Feast
“The food served at an Italian wedding really depends on which region you are in,” says Nino Catuogno owner of Bricco Ristorante. “If you come from Southern Italy, the wedding reception starts off with a lot of shellfish, from very large shrimps and oysters, to mussels and clams. That’s the main appetizer.”

“In Southern Italy there are over 15 different types of clams and two or three types of mussels,” Nino explains. “So it is not surprising that a Southern Italian wedding starts out with a lot of seafood. After the appetizer, pasta is usually served, followed by meat or a little bit of fish. Then they go on to dessert.

“In the South, the main food served is actually the antipasto tables,” continues Nino. “Sometimes guests snack on shellfish appetizers for two hours. At my niece’s weddinga while ago, the appetizer was put into large trolleys around a swimming pool. Each of the trollies had a different type of seafood, and people circled them for hours.

“When I went to a Northern Italian wedding last year, it was totally different,” he continues. “There was no fish whatsoever, but the antipasto was great, too. They served different kinds of cold cuts. In Northern Italy there are as many kinds of prosciutto as there are clams in Southern Italy. They also had salamis, cheeses, and dishes like roasted cold artichokes and mini cheese and prosciutto quiche.

“Then they actually gave us two different middle courses, one at a time,” says Nino. “One was a single pasta, a large ravioli filed with porcini mushrooms in a cream sauce, and the next was asparagus quiche. This was followed with a main meat course and then two or three different, small desserts and a wedding cake.
“That was my first Northern Italian wedding and, for me, there was a bit of culture shock,” says Nino. “Northern and Southern Italian is the same basic Italian culture, but the dishes for each are very different. I love seafood, but the Northern Italian wedding was incredible too.”

Nino and his wife Pam had their reception at Bricco. “My wife is Greek, so we mixed her culture with my Southern Italian culture. At our reception we had a very large antipasto table that stretched from the end of the bar to the very end of the dining room. We did one side of the table with all the seafood you can imagine, but my wife’s family doesn’t eat a lot of seafood, so on the other side we did some of the Greek dishes and some Northern Italian dishes, like cold cuts and cheeses.

“People fed themselves so much on this table that they thought there wasn’t anything else. But later we went upstairs and had a sit-down dinner. We served a veal-filled ravioli and a vegetarian gnocchi with buttered sage sauce. After the gnocchi, we did a filet with a three-pepper corn sauce with vegetables.
Then we served a salad,” continues Nino. “This is a common Italian tradition. The salad helps you digest your food before the wedding cake comes. So after the salad we served the wedding cake and some Greek pastry.”

Nino and Pam followed their instincts for décor. “Flowers bring happiness to people,” says Nino. “So, we put flowers all over, even on the buffet table. We used mainly white flowers, because it’s a tradition that the bride always wears white. In Italy, churches get decorated with lots of white flowers, from the church doors to the altar. There are tons of flowers at the reception too.”

For music they mixed cultures once again. “For our first dance, my wife and I danced to a French song we both love, ‘La Vie de Rose,’ by Edith Piaf. Then we played Italian, Greek, and American music. Everyone had so much fun. It was a wonderful event.”

Bricco Ristorante, 304 West 56th Street, NYC, 10019
212.245.7160, www.bricconyc.com

Sweet Treats
“A typical Italian wedding cake is usually alcohol-based,” says Adeline Lepore of Ferrara Bakery. “Rhum or strega liquor are used when making the cake. Typical Italian cakes are filled with custard creams, but a more modern Italian bride may choose a hazelnut cream.”

“Traditionally, a Southern Italian wedding cake is filled with cannoli cream,” adds Adeline's brother, Ernest Lepore. “These cakes will usually have a bride and groom on top. You can personalize your cake by choosing a unique bride and groom topper. In Northern Italy, the cakes are less decorative. You might find plain white icing and maybe some flowers on top.”

Italian sweets don’t stop with the cake. Pastries are also very popular. “Miniature pastries are usually served in addition to the wedding cake,” says Gabriella. “Although it varies from region to region, you are likely to find a Viennese table of delicious desserts.”

Sweets are also given to the guests to take home. “In Italy there are stores that make a living selling wedding favors,” says Alfred. “Jordon almonds are usually given out to every guest. These almonds come in many colors and sizes and are usually candy coated. They represent the bitter and sweet things in life, and are always given out in odd numbers for good luck.”

Ferrara Bakery, 195 Grand Street, NYC, 10013
212-226-6150, www.ferraracafe.com

A Love Story & A Very Unique Wedding
“The most important part of your wedding is the romance and the love,” Nino says.

“My wedding was great,” he says smiling. “Everybody talked about it for weeks. But every event is unique. You can go to another wedding and pick up tips for your own. These tips don’t have to be from your own culture either.

“You can combine cultures to create a wonderful ambiance, and rely on your own taste to select great food, elegant decorations, beautiful music, and colorful flowers. Then it really becomes your own unique wedding.”