They were introduced by a mutual friend at a party here in the city. She was taken aback because he knew how to pronounce her Danish name, and in her surprise didn’t catch his name.

"About a half-hour into our conversation," says Malena Belafonte, "David began introducing me to other people as his future wife-to-be and mother of his children!

She went home from the party and called her dad to say, "I think he’s the one."

"My dad asked what his name was and I didn’t remember!" Imagine his enthusiasm.

"That’s pretty much how it happened," agrees David.

"That pretty much ..."

"... sums it up."

"The Proposal
"The proposal was an ongoing saga," says David. "It was not a traditional, down-on-one-knee. It was more like a Q&A that culminated in, ‘Yes, we need to do this.’ "

David planned to propose in Jamaica. "We were in an absolutely fantastic spot on the island with an incredible view of the Blue Mountain.

"We had a little picnic, and at the moment I wanted to propose the sky opened up and there was a torrential downpour. I wasn’t sure whether that was a sign to go ahead or not, so I took the path of retreat. It wasn’t until we were back in the States ..."

"No," Malena says, "it was on the plane."

"Right. On the plane on the way back we began a discussion."

"That was in 1997," explains Malena, "three years before we actually got married."

"We met in the fall of 1992," explains David, "and we began living together after six months.

"I had been living in California for about six years," he continues. "When I came back to New York I was ready to retire my number. By the time Malena and I decided to make the commitment to get married, we had worked through a lot that usually rears its head after the fact."

"As a girl," Malena says, "and having come from Europe, marriage has always been important to me. In America, it’s even more important. Here everything is about getting married.

"Your family and friends often don’t respect your relationship as much if you ‘only’ live together. Being from another country, it was important to get married before I could truly embrace this country as part of me and my future. I wanted roots. A nest.

"We originally got engaged right after my dad had died. David wanted to take care of me and make sure I was okay. But we weren’t able to set a date. I wasn’t really in a celebratory mood."

"There was the green card issue, as well," David says. "At that time, Malena was in the process of making a case for her green card."

"I didn’t want people to think I was marrying him because of the green card," says Malena. "I also wanted to be at a certain level, career-wise, that had nothing to do with him."

"So our intention was to get married after she received her green card," says David. "Kudos to Malena. She went ahead, built her case and got it pushed through."

"Once wedding plans actually fit into our busy schedules," she says, "we wanted to get married right away." They did it in three months. "About a week before the wedding, David formally proposed down on one knee." That’s when he gave her the engagement ring.

"We took our time before making it official," David says. "In my collective thought and experience, the average American male should not be allowed to consider marriage until he’s of a certain age.

"He must get his house in order. There are so many variables to be dealt with, and foundations to be put in place. If you’re looking to take a wife or a husband, settle down, and have kids, well, to really get it right, you need to have a lot of things in order."

"But after eight years of being together," says Malena, "getting married gave us a new chance at romance. It’s been really fun. I love being married to David. He was a very good boyfriend, but he is an amazing husband."

"Thank you," says David.

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The Ring ... & The Gown That Disappeared
"I wear my little yin and yang earring because it has significance to me," explains David, "but I’m not a jewelry person. I told her the ring was about her, and she had a vision for it."

And the wedding dress?

"It was important that I get it in Denmark, because that’s where I come from. My mother and I walked into a store and found a dress that was very ‘Musketeer-like.’ You could imagine jumping on a horse, riding off, and fighting with a sword. It was really special."

She bought it when they originally got engaged. "So when we finally chose the date, it had been there for two and a half years, though my mom kept ‘checking on it’. But when she went to the store to make arrangements after we set the date, it was no more. She found out the store had changed ownership and moved to another location. That didn’t sound too bad, but the new owner knew nothing about my dress."

Malena finally reached the spokesperson for the original owner, who, after a lot of spinning in circles, finally admitted they had disposed of the dress when they sold the store. Furthermore, he told her that they would not replace it or refund her any money.

"I think they re-sold it. But by then it was four weeks before my wedding and I had no dress! This became a scandal in Denmark. ‘Malena Mathiesen’s dress disappears before the wedding.’ Karim, from Karim Design, who’s a major designer back home, called and offered to make me a dress." Malena flew to Denmark and designed it with him.

"Karim was able to capture my personality and combine it with the kind of wedding we were planning. I wanted something very unique, and I got something much grander than I had expected."

The Wedding
"At the wedding itself, something’s going to go wrong," says Malena, "but no one will notice except you. But if you spend that time thinking, ‘This is wrong or that is wrong,’ you’ll lose those moments. So just enjoy it. That’s the best advice I can give."

"Our initial idea was to get married in Jamaica," says David. "But when we began looking at the realities of the wedding, we realized getting married there would not be easy on everybody. Not to mention that, in all of this, we were in the middle of shooting a film with Malena shooting two days before the wedding.

"New York was easy to hit from Denmark and from the West Coast. Plus we had the ability to find accommodations.

"When it comes to picking a venue, the first people you turn to are the people you know," he adds. "Our friend Vinny Pascal is a part of Arc Restaurants, the company that owns Bryant Park Grill.

"That made a lot of sense because the wedding Malena had designed fit perfectly into Bryant Park’s infrastructure. Their roof terrace gave us the outside area for the ceremony, and the area inside gave us the sense of intimacy we wanted. Downstairs is just a beautiful, beautiful space. I recommend it to anyone. They’re so well set up.

"And Vinny was really, really helpful," adds Malena. "Everybody thinks you know what to do. You don’t. You have no clue. It’s very overwhelming."

"We also had clear tenting available on the roof just in case the weather took a bad turn on us," says David.

Another consideration in choosing a space was the smoking habits of their European guests. "People in Europe don’t understand American attitudes about smoking," says Malena. "Because there were so many Europeans, I wanted them to feel comfortable.

"There’s another terrace just outside, so they could walk out and smoke. I didn’t want people to feel bad about smoking," says Malena. "I also wanted the kids to be able to safely run outside. Weddings can be torture for kids and it can distract the parents, so I hired a babysitter and put up a tent with pillows and blankets in this perfect little area in the restaurant. I set up all sorts of games, so the kids could play, sleep, draw, eat, or hang out with us whenever they wanted."

"We also put together a multi-choice menu," explains David.

"My favorite salad is a Caesar salad," adds Malena, "so we started with that. Then we had chicken, steak, and pasta. We had four choices people could pick from. Vinny made it all perfect."

Musical Chairs
The biggest problem was seating people. "In Europe, we traditionally don’t seat couples next to one another, unless it’s their first year of marriage. In addition to making sure that out of 200 people this person would get along with that person, we needed to make sure that they could actually communicate.

"We had to seat a non-English speaking French guest next to a French-speaking Danish guest, next to my German-speaking aunt who had to sit next to the Austrian designer who doesn’t speak Swedish. Then we had to seat the Swedish doctor next to the American dancer who doesn’t speak Swedish, but used to live there. And so on. My mother-in-law, my mom, and I had a lot of laughs mixing people who should not sit together.

"But after we spent endless hours planning the seating, literally up until an hour before the wedding — some of the guests had the audacity to move their cards so they could sit next to their mate. Funny enough it was mostly the men changing the seating arrangements. They didn’t understand what this was all about. The girls were like, ‘Please, let me sit next to someone else for once, so I can hear some new jokes.’ "

Down The Aisle
"I think my most memorable moment was seeing her coming down the aisle," says David. "That is the culmination of it all.

"As far as I was concerned, the whole wedding was about her. Seeing her then was the high point. We went through all the pre-production, put it together, and there it was."

"I had several high points," says Malena. "When we first saw each other we kissed before we were supposed to. Then we high-fived after we were pronounced husband and wife. We did everything backwards."

"That was one of the moments where I had a lump in my throat the size of a grapefruit," agrees David.

"I felt it was important, since my dad died under very tragic circumstances. He committed suicide. I wanted him to be a part of it without it being a sad thing. Because of the way he died, I didn’t want people to feel uncomfortable talking about him at this most happy moment of our lives.

"So I put a red rose on each chair and two vases in front of the ceremonial area, one on David’s side and one on mine.

"Everybody went up the aisle with one rose that they put in a vase. We had David’s sister Adrienne explain the significance of the roses in English and my friend Mona did it in Danish.

"I had written a little note in honor of my father. Had he been there he would have said ‘Hello’ to the people he knew and given them a hug. He would have wanted to meet the people who were in my life.

"He would have somehow touched everybody. I wanted them to do the same, and they did, by the act of going up and putting a rose in the vase.

"First each member of the bridal party did that, and after the ceremony everybody went up and put in a rose." Malena and David dried all the roses, and over Christmas they went to Denmark. "On Christmas Eve, we placed the 200 dried roses on my dad’s grave. It was so special. That was a highlight for me.

"My brother giving me away while my mother played my favorite piece of music that she used to perform with my father was another highlight. I was running up the aisle, and he had to hold me back and whisper, ‘Stop! Take it easy!’ I had so many moments. You would have had to surgically remove my smile, I was so happy!"

"Our parents gifts were so special," says David, "that I feel they would be trivialized by mentioning them in short. Their support and enthusiasm was a gift in itself. The fact that our friends and family traveled all that way to share our wedding day is the most amazing gift they could give us. Anything more is gravy."

New Lives
How have their lives and careers changed since marriage?

"My work-related background has been show business," says David. "I’ve been around tours with my dad, Harry Belafonte, my entire life. I’ve been fortunate enough to see the world, and to be mentored by some of the best in the business. So the bulk of my business deals with event production.

"I used to be on the road quite a bit. That’s coming to a halt, which is a good thing because, come time to raise kids, I want to be present and accounted for."

The film he is working on now is a golf comedy, ‘The Golfather.’ "We parodied ‘The Godfather.’ It targets the 29-30 million golfers out there who might want to see this little work of video art."

"I’ve been a fashion model for the longest time," says Malena. "Has it changed? I don’t know.

"But with my singing, there have been a few changes. David is very supportive. He keeps reminding me to stick with the music, to keep concentrating on it, even if that means working less as a model. We’re really involved in each other’s projects."

"As a result of getting married," says David, "all of a sudden you’re thinking about building an empire, as opposed to working just for yourself.

"You get that sense of responsibility to others that forces you to pay attention to details in a different way.

"You start asking yourself, ‘How will decisions I make now affect me, us, 10 years down the line?’ Getting married certainly was a catalyst to change my thought process as to how I relate to others."

"I had to do the same," agrees Malena. "I had to change my very Danish way of thinking. Just asking, ‘Do you have 20 bucks so I can run to the store?’ is something I wouldn’t have done before. I would have walked to the cash machine and then to the store and then walked home before he would have even known that I had run out of cash.

"I always took care of myself. Once you’re married you have to give in to letting that person take care of you. For a while, learning to ask for something was weird. I like it now. I save a lot of time."

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Wedding Day Secrets of Success ... His
"From a groom’s perspective, the first secret to having a successful wedding is to always say, ‘Yes.’ One of the greatest pieces of advice that I got was, ‘David, it’s all about her.’

"At the end of the day — ‘Is it blue, is it brown? Is it over here, over there? Is it up, is it down?’ — my opinion is so irrelevant.

"To me the whole thing is not about the wedding, but about taking a wife. What she envisioned had such a correct perspective that my mantra was, ‘It’s all about her.’

"So my advice to any groom is to help when you can and stay out of the way. Whenever she asked for my opinion, my answer was no more than three or four words. I think that helped a lot, because after all is said and done, that’s how it’s going to happen.

"Number two, like any party, whether it’s at the Taj Mahal or in a parking lot — invite the right people.

"For me, the formula was simple: if you’re not going to invite somebody, imagine running into them one week after the wedding. What exchange is going to take place?"

They also took care to create a certain "casual elegance," right from the start. Their invitation, for example, said, ‘From sandals to scandals.’ "You were free to come in a Hawaiian shirt and shorts if you wanted to," says David.

"Finally, don’t bite off more than you can chew as far as the natural flow of the wedding is concerned. We’ve had people who had been to a thousand weddings come up to us and say it was the best wedding they had ever been to. Choices were made that really counted.

"It wasn’t about spending big money to impress our guests with the best this or the biggest that. It was a well-thought out, very simple, organic experience for everyone."

... and Hers
"For a successful wedding, make your own rules and make your best friend your maid of honor," says Malena. "Don’t do it because you were someone else’s maid of honor or because of family situations. Your best friend knows you best and knows how to help you.

"I could not have done this without Judy. She was amazing. I am going to rent her out. No, seriously, it was as much her success as mine. She was sincerely happy for me. And so was Shari, my other maid of honor, and David’s sister. We made our own rules, so I had two maids of honor and David had his best man Robert Bruce and my brother as his witnesses. Shari lives in L.A. and could naturally not be a big part of the planning. I chose her because she treated me like a sister from day one.

"Get all your friends involved and see where they can help. Make it a joyous journey, without being a dictator. That’s very important. Make both families part of the planning and of the ceremony, but only if they really want to be. Not everyone wants to be involved in this time consuming process, and that should be okay. On the other hand, some people really want to be involved in every aspect of your special day, so use your judgment.

"Create roles for people you love. We needed someone really special to welcome guests as an extension of us. My Danish sister-in-law Gitte and David’s sister Gina did that perfectly, because they both knew how to take charge and they understood the different cultures.

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Success in Marriage: Choose The Rules You’ll Live By
"Without question," says David, "given the cross-cultural, cross-racial factors, when it came time to decide who was going to marry us, our choice was the honorable David Dinkins, the former mayor of New York.

"One of the critical elements in going through the process is paying attention to your vows.

"Most traditional vows are overwhelming. You begin to promise to forces greater than yourself, but we didn’t claim to be able to do anything outside our immediate responsibility to each other.

"Paying attention to the little things on a day-to-day basis is what shapes the relationship. It’s about playing by very manageable and embraceable rules, which is what David Dinkins’ words were about.

"If you go into an institution like marriage, vowing to do your best as a man and to do your best as a woman — come hell or high water — that’s rule number one for stepping into a solid relationship. You’re saying, ‘These are rules I can play by. These are things I can be responsible for.’

"Number two is following through. You’ve laid the framework, now it’s about getting in there and showing what you are made of. It’s time to keep it focused, keep it honest, and play by those rules.

"Number three, tell the truth: good, bad, or indifferent."

Malena: "Like when I ask, ‘Does my ass look fat?’ "

"There are ways to answer that question," says David diplomatically, "but that’s a whole other interview. Tell the truth. It’s easy to say that. It’s a challenge to practice on a day-to-day basis.

"To encapsulate: think long and hard about the rules you are willing to play by. Play by them. And tell the truth."

It’s About Understanding
"Realize that whatever comes out of your mouth can be interpreted differently than how you intended," says Malena. "Be prepared to say, ‘That’s not what I meant.’ And give the other person time to explain exactly what they meant.

"Also, work out your relationship with your in-laws and your family. We’re all different. I come from a completely different background and even a different country than David does.

"I made such an effort to make my in-laws understand what I’m all about, to let them be who they are, and to realize that they’re Americans and I’m not.

"I don’t let go of my personality, but sometimes it has to be explained. Also, it’s very important to have them involved in planning the wedding.

"When he gets mad or gets into a funk, give him space. Men normally can’t deal with being confronted and fixing it right away. A man might need to go away and vent for 20 minutes or for two days. Then, after having thought about it, he comes back. Give some space. That’s one of the hardest things a woman must learn."

"And men too," adds David. "Character is affected by body chemistry. And when chemistry takes over, don’t look for a forum to have a balanced discussion about anything. Wait until all the little meters and emotions settle back down."

They both advise to get things in perspective before discussing them, and especially before arguing.

"Lighten up," says Malena. "Let the other person flourish and be that person you married. All the time I hear: ‘He’s not romantic anymore.’ Well, look at you. Are you wearing the sexy lingerie?"

"Not to open up a debate here," says David, "but it can’t go on that way forever. Everything’s going to constantly change. It’s not going to be the way it was because it’s not the way it was. That’s why it’s important to keep telling the truth."

Patience and Support
"When I call a company I do business with and I’m talking to customer support," says David, "and I’m ready to blow a gasket because the service isn’t working, I say, ‘What I’m about to say is not directed at you. But I have to vent.’ Then you’ve not only got an ally, but you’ve got someone who can help you find a solution.

"It’s not too much different in a relationship. When I’ve got things bugging me in the world and I am in that mode, Malena’s come to understand that I can’t shift gears immediately to completely embrace the situation. So the subtext is, ‘Sweetheart, what I’m about to do is not directed at you but (monster noises)."

"I’m just gonna throw the dog out the window," says Malena, capturing his feeling.

"Once it is understood that some things just affect a man and some things just affect a woman, you don’t take it personally," says David. "It allows you to be who you are, without feeling like it’s the end of the world."

It also gives the couple a chance to support each other.

"And that's very important," agrees Malena. "I’ve seen couples where the man says things about the wife like, ‘She’s such a dingbat.’ But you need to realize that you’ve married a mirror of you. If you are constantly criticizing your mate, look at yourself in the mirror. Who are you really mad at, and who needs to change? You are who you marry."

Which gets back to what was said earlier. A man and a woman need a certain period of time to know who they are.

"You’ve got to both reach that place," agree Malena and David.