Greater Appreciation
“Today’s bride is taking more charge of her life,” observes Bishop Douglas Trees of The Catholic Answer. “To her, marriage does not mean sitting at home for hours during the day. She’s more oriented toward fulfillment, not only in the form of a wife and mother, but as a business person, meeting the opposite sex on an equal basis.
“However, respect for this new marriage relationship can get confused and even lost in this broadened perspective. The aura of a specialized day prompts some couples to get married, go on a honeymoon, and then go right back into their occupations, whatever they may be.”
Bishop Trees would like to see both parties taking a greater interest in the meaning of marriage, and all the responsibilities that go into it.
A Larger Family
“More and more, we’re also dealing with couples who have been previously married,” he says. “We like to see them integrate the children into the marriage ceremony.
“Because we have the man or woman, or sometimes both, coming together with children, we are also uniting families, rather than just individuals. The children must feel a part of the ceremony, to ensure that they will become contributing members of the new family union.
“Unfortunately, many children feel helpless in this situation. They’re not so certain they want to be a part of a process over which they have no control, and we must work to integrate them into the concept. We recommend strongly that the children be included in the planning of the wedding ceremony.
“To make them part of the ceremony, I usually suggest giving them some participation. In addition to having the bride and groom exchange rings, have small medallions or necklaces given to the children too. Then they are participants in the ceremony, members of the family that is being joined here.”
Living Together
“This Religious Order represents the Catholic Faith to the prospective bride and groom, but many people living together have been turned away by the church, because the church views that as living in sin. Taking the sacrament presupposes a state of grace, which the church feels has been violated by their co-habitation.
“The problem is that people assume that living together is like marriage. But it is not. You could live with someone for five years, get married, and be divorced in a short time. People say, ‘This is not the person I married.’ This, unfortunately, is the same person, but there now are different rules and anticipations of the way things should be, must be, ought to be,” says Bishop Trees.
“Their expectations of each other’s behavior may not meet the test of reality.
“Most people never deal with what they expect from the marriage. They assume the other person shares the same wants and needs which they do. This expectation may or may not be based on the reality of the situation.
“Now we get to the ceremony. That’s not where we should be working out our expectations! Rather, we should be making commitments that are meaningful on a daily basis,” says Bishop Trees.
“Make your wedding uniquely express who you both are. Integrate your expectations of what each of you can realistically expect from your significant other.”
