"After they’ve agreed they want to entertain, I think the most important thing for the newly married couple is to decide on a menu," says Abigail Kirsch, whose renowned catering sites include Tappan Hill in Tarrytown, The New York Botanical Garden, Pier Sixty, The Lighthouse at Chelsea Piers, and Stage Six.

The Rotunda at Tappan Hill (photo: Yale Joel)

"And they should absolutely separate their responsibilities," she continues. "Make one list and assign duties to each other. Do a lot of planning so at the last minute you’re not saying, ‘What are we doing this for?’ "

Even in this politically correct age, she has observed gender preferences in the kitchen. "Women enjoy baking sweets, guys enjoy baking bread. Women like to make guacamole, guys love to chop, roast, and make sauce. He’ll stand there with a bottle of wine and season away. Guys like to grill." She laughs. "All this must be written in the Bible."

Analyze your space. If you want to have a very casual buffet, you should have only as many people as you can seat, including on the floor and on the staircase.

"Let’s say you can seat 30 people, but you have 40, and you don’t know how to cut your list," she says, about to solve an all-too-frequent problem. "Well, change your plans and have a cocktail party. Then people can come and go. They can stand and sit. You don’t have to worry about seating as much."

If you were to choose a caterer, make sure he or she is really listening and understanding your wishes. "You put yourself on the line when you invite people into your home. It’s a responsibility."

Setting Your Table
Abigail has a creative (and convenient) way of dealing with china, silver, and all the decorations.

"Forget all the rules," she says. "Many brides and grooms today do not register for sterling silver. They’ll register for a great silver plate. Often a couple won’t have a full set of china because it’s inordinately expensive.

The Lighthouse at Chelsea Piers (photo: Henry Groskinsky)

"I did have china and silver in my home, but it broke over the years and I couldn’t replace it. So now I mix things up on the table—on purpose. I give it a very eclectic, interesting look." Every person at Abigail’s table may have a different plate or silverware or glass. "I try to do it with some type of rhyme or reason, but I do mix it up."

When it comes to serving platters, she chooses an old one her aunt gave her. "It’s one I never knew what to do with."

For entertaining, you need a large platter, a salad bowl, and something to put sauce in.

"Let’s say you’re serving steak and you make a horseradish sauce, and you serve a salad and bread. You need a bread basket, but you can use any basket you have for bread. That’s when you open the closet and mix and match everything you have. You're going to find a great use for any deep round or oval bowl. And candles make any party wonderful.

"I like to see a 12-inch dinner plate instead of a 10-inch plate. Then you have not only a dinner plate but also a plate you can put a lot of food on for a buffet. If you have an eight-inch plate you can use that for salad, appetizer, or dessert."

She notes you can always make a large plate "more interesting" by garnishing it with a strawberry or a raspberry, for example. "When you have a smaller plate it’s harder to make it look wonderful. Also, if you think you’re not going to sit your guests down to a table, you want the larger plate if you are using silverware.

"But if you're having what we call ‘dinner by the bite’—where everything is bite size and you don’t need silverware—then I like to have that eight-inch plate."

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Recipes For Entertaining
Ms. Kirsch recommends a few dishes to master if you want to cook for your own dinner parties.

"First of all, love what you are making. Make sure you are not intimidated by the instructions, and do something you can almost finish the day before."

"If you are starting, you shouldn’t do medium-rare rack of lamb. I would choose something you can do the prep work for two or three days before, like chopping onions, peppers, or zucchini, covering it with plastic wrap and putting it in the fridge, or making the sauce two or three days before and getting all the parts of the dish together the night before.

"I just made a pasta caprese. It has eggplant and zucchini and you can add mushrooms. It’s made with red wine, balsamic vinegar, and penne pasta, plus fresh tomatoes.

"You can put it in your fridge the night before, bring it to room temperature and bake it before your guests arrive. You serve this with a huge salad and, of course, bread."

She wrote the cookbook ‘Teen Cuisine’ on the bistro food of the late 1960’s. "After that I moved out of our house in Westchester into a storefront, where I had my cooking school." Soon she made a few chocolate mousses, and, as luck would have it, everything changed.

Within two years the cooking school was gone and she was in the catering business. "It happened very quickly. My husband, Robert, joined me because he sold his business in 1975, and my third son, Jim, is now the president and my leader."

One of their newest locations is The Lighthouse at Chelsea Piers, site of the former Crab House. "Pier Sixty, also at Chelsea Piers, can accommodate parties of up to 1500, and we can have parties of 100-600 at the Lighthouse. It’s right on the water, and we’ve decorated it in early 1900’s decor." Their off-premise business serves parties from 50 to 2500.

Abigail—who is a Trustee of the Culinary Institute of America and is on the boards of the March of Dimes, the Food Patch in Westchester, and Amerikai—likes the challenge of "keeping the integrity of the food and the honest, simple cuisine I started with.

"In our business, whether it’s on or off-premise, you have only one chance to do things right. There is no second chance.

"You can’t come back and say, ‘I’m sorry. I’ll do it tomorrow.’ So it’s a constant challenge to my nervous stomach."

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Featured Abigail Kirsch Real Weddings:
The Lighthouse at Chelsea Piers | New York Botanical Garden

Abigail Kirsch
www.abigailkirsch.com