"No two weddings are the same. There’s no model to follow; no one size fits all," says event coordinator Polly Onet of Ober, Onet & Associates.

Planning the Wedding
While both budget and location are probably the most important elements in the design of a wedding, the location is really the basis for everything else. "It’s the centerpiece around which you try to build the budget.

The Solomon/Long wedding

"A wedding in a hotel may fit a relatively limited budget because so much of the infrastructure is in place, and the details, like decor and flowers, are relatively easy to install.

"On the other hand, a tent is basically a construction site and it requires a lot of what I call hardware—the floor, the canopy, heating, lighting. It also needs a full array of software (the decor) designed and built-in to hide the construction."

Polly starts with the venue, then chooses the caterer, the band, the photographer, the videographer, the decorator, then the menus and the wines. "If we’re doing something complicated, our decor designer does sound, lights and flowers.

"You may already have particular vendors in mind, or you may want to shop around and talk to a few designers." Polly goes to each interview and reviews every proposal. "That’s the logistical side of it."

Then there is the "social secretarial" side—guest lists, invitations, calligraphers, RSVP’s, seating and escort cards. "It’s a huge job making sure everybody is seated properly, that we don’t forget somebody and that all the names are spelled right."

If it’s out of town, they make sure all your guests are getting to where they are supposed to be, and that all accommodations have been arranged.

"We may have to write letters to your guests, explaining where they are going and how to get there."

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A Multi-Day Celebration | Avoiding Confusion | Choosing Suppliers

A Multi-Day Celebration
"We also may have to write a letter about attire and inform your guests about the weekend’s activities. For example, there may be a clambake on Friday night and sailing on Saturday.

The Clements/Taubman wedding

"If you do a long three or four day event, there is usually golf, tennis and sailing. Many of my weddings end up being like conventions."

One multi-day wedding Polly did was in Ireland. "We created seven different events."

Every one had a different invitation, a different scenario, different vendors and different foods. They did separate ‘Save the Date’ and direction cards. "Obviously doing a wedding in town is a lot easier.

"Sometimes the groom’s mother wants to do something amazing. She may want to use the same vendors, but it’s seldom the same location.

"The rehearsal dinner sometimes turns into something bigger than the wedding itself!

"Then you have your bridal lunches over the weekend. Maybe the men are going to have a cigar lunch, and you have to make sure they all get there."

Avoid Confusion
"There are challenges every day when you’re planning a wedding," Polly explains. "I recently had a situation where the wedding was only five weeks away. The invitations were printed and ready to mail, and the bride called and said, ‘I don’t think I want to do the wedding in Dark Harbor, Maine. I think I want to do it at the Knickerbocker Club in New York.’ "

"That’s when I say to the bride, ‘You have to make a decision. You can’t keep going back and forth.’ "

Such cases often arise from conflicting wishes among different family members. Polly’s wise solution is to listen to everyone, "and then act accordingly, taking all their wishes into account."

Recently she had to fly 300 guests to Charlottesville, Virginia in private planes and take care of their luggage. And that wedding in Dark Harbor, Maine (it wasn’t re-located) was accessible only by a little dirt airstrip or by ferry. "We had to tell the guests how to get there. There are no hotels on the island!" All 150 guests stayed in people’s homes.

"Then if we have a big nine-bedroom house being lent to us, who stays in what bedroom" Every bedroom has to have a pretty little heart-shaped note on the door that says, ‘Rick and Nancy’ or whatever, because how are they going to know what room to go to? There are so many little details."

Handling all those details are essential to wedding day success, but some brides don’t recognize the importance of doing so.

One bride told Polly, "I don’t want it to seem like I have a wedding planner and everything is perfect and organized." Polly replied, "Your wedding has to flow and be perfectly organized. Otherwise things are going to be left undone, guests are not going to have a good time, and you will be disappointed."

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A Multi-Day Celebration | Avoiding Confusion | Choosing Suppliers

Your Suppliers: Choose Them Carefully
"I must have vendors I can rely on completely. When a bride says to me, ‘I have this great caterer I want to bring out to the country,’ if I’ve never heard of the firm, I check it out."

One bride had recommended a caterer who had only done dinner parties for 10 people in private homes. "The caterer told the bride he could do her wedding," says Polly, "but I couldn’t agree. I saw disaster."

In the end, it’s the planner’s reputation on the line, so she’ll do everything possible to make sure each element is taken care of professionally.

"When I do a huge tent wedding, I like to pick the designer, who will do flowers, oversee the logistics of the layout of the tent and determine how the flow of the tent should be. He or she will also do all the lights and sound. Rather than having six separate vendors, I pick the top ones and have them oversee all that."

Elegant Affairs
Polly did the wedding for a particular businessman and philanthropist, "which was way over-the-top beautiful. We flew all the guests down to Charlottesville on private planes! Except for some transportation problems with several guests, the whole weekend came off without a hitch.

"The property in Charlottesville was just magical. Her bridal luncheon tent where the ceremony was held was probably one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen."

Wire mesh netted the ceiling of the tent, which was filled with lilacs and wisteria, creating the impression of a thick, fragrant forest.

"You walked into that tent and it was just purples, whites and greens. You couldn’t see the top. You never saw or smelled anything like it in your life. One side of the tent was open and it looked out over the Blue Ridge Mountains."

Polly hesitates when asked to pinpoint the most important thing to consider when planning a wedding. "There’s no golden rule. I suppose if I had to suggest one thing to a bride, it would be to keep it as simple as possible—and have a good plan, especially if it gets more complicated. Simplicity is relative, but it always breeds elegance, and those are virtues for a wedding, or any other kind of celebration."